end and begin
life is clearly divided. whether it’s into chapters or segments or seasons. there are just times when things make sense, but only for that time. and times when nothing makes sense until you are out of that time. i have had some doosies lately.
first, breaking up with maria. that sent me on a serious search for what really made me tick. once i got some sort of idea of how much i was loved outside of human acceptance, i was thrown back into having to put that knowledge into practice. this ongoing chapter of loving maria and figuring out how to love her inspite of every selfish and prideful instinct i have has been a nearly impossible but rewarding process with every answer being followed by a dozen more questions of how and why.
then there’s the process of figuring out what i am going to do with my life. and what is going to take priority and what is going to take a backseat.
going into my internship at elevation this summer, my mindset was basically “whelp, didn’t get that internship at maysles films. didn’t get that internship with barbara copple. i guess i’ll atleast not be bored this summer.”
that was an understatement. within the first week or two of my internship i was completely swamped. there’s a lot more details, but basically 6 or 7 weeks into it, i was just done. i just had too much on my plate as an intern, a “graphic design” intern that was carrying a hefty amount of the video work, but still expected to be fully responsible for all of my graphic design work. it was just too much, not to mention trying to balance a long distance relationship.
wes asked me to come in on saturday at 8am so that i could film a guy named leo and another couple.
we didn’t start filming until 4pm.
needless to say, i was not happy. at all. but then we began to film.
now let’s step back a little bit.
as an artist and a filmmaker, my dream and philosophy has always been to tell stories. true stories. i’ve just always felt like it was a waste of time and resources and human experience to make up stories when there are so many waiting to be told. so i wanted to be that person, to bridge the gap between the experience and the platform. so that’s always been where my heart is.
coming into elevation i was very skeptical. for several reasons and from several directions, there were red flags popping up.
so after coming in and experiencing elevation, i knew there was something special there. god was more than present. but for some reason i was not catching the vision like everyone else was. i just didn’t see how a guy like chris brown or mack brock or ryan hollingsworth, who are so insanely talented, would not go to nashville or new york to pursue music or a graphic design career. because that was my dream, to go to portland or seattle and make documentaries. tell peoples stories. so i told god, “god, you have to show up big time. you really have to show me what’s going on here, you really have to reveal this big vision to me. cause right now it’s just a lot of nonsense.”
so we sat down with leo. a big bulky hairy dude who cursed several times during the interview. i’m pretty sure he told larry brey [our connections pastor] that he was full of shit at some point. but all that to say, leo had an amazing story of brokenness and redemption.
then we sat down with tony and ginger. who had an equally amazing story of redemption. it really just blew my mind.
the next day was the first week or the AWAKENING series. and, also, the first week of spontaneous baptisms. somehow, by the grace of god, i got the opportunity to sit down with dozens of people right after they had been baptized, and hear their story. this whole time god was just wooing me. but i didn’t see it.
so the next morning i woke up and went into work. every monday morning we have a staff meeting to kind of recap weekend and prepare for the week to come. but this week it was different. instead of meeting in the conference room, we were invited into pastor furticks office to celebrate baptizing over 600 people on one sunday. we sat in a huge oblong circle, almost ontop of each other we were so crunched, as chris led us in this song. usually, we only do one song. but that day, it just wouldn’t stop. i don’t even know how many songs we sang together, but in my life, i have not experienced gods presence like i did that morning. i remember sitting there thinking “man, i sure hope maria and i can find a church like this in portland.”
then it hit me.
i don’t have to go to portland. it is right here. and in that moment i thought about what the lord had done that weekend. the stories i had heard, the lives i had seen changed and moved by the grace of our father. and i knew he was calling me. he was calling me to be a part of it.
so, for those of you who don’t know, after i graduate and maria and i get married soon after, we are moving to charlotte, north carolina to be a part of elevation church. it is not nailed down, but the hope is to be the video coordinator there and to see and relay first hand the great things the lord is doing.
so there’s that.
