older.
i just feel myself getting older.
it is 2am. trying to get homework done but really don’t want to. i guess some things never change. but a lot of things do. take for example, how you look. i just spent the last 45 minutes looking at every single picture of maria on facebook. sometimes i look at a lot of my pictures trying to imagine what someone might think of me if that was all they had to go on. but things change. faces change. people just change.
i look back on college and see a lot of growth. i see a lot of fantastic memories. it hurts a little to know that all of that will be gone, to never return in about 4 months. i will begin to pay for things, not just for me, but for a family. i will no longer make/create things solely for myself, but for a client. my life will no longer be about me.
ever.
again.
it is a pretty stark reality. freshman year that would have sounded like the apocolypse. but now, i want it. i look forward to it. i want to take care of a family. i want to be less selfish. selfless in fact. i want to take what i have learned, the gift i have been given and use it to change peoples lives.
but change is hard. everything prior and to follow seems so much brighter, especially during the process of change. but i embrace it, even if it does mean 20 more pounds since highschool.
